左沐熙

独立写作

1.Art classes, like painting and drawing, are not asimportant as other subjects, so some people think that it should not be acompulsory subject at high school. To what extent do you agree ordisagree?

2. If a product is good or it meets people’s needs, peoplewill buy it, so advertising is unnecessary and no more than an entertainment.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that advertisements areuseless since people only buy products which are good or meet their needs. Icompletely disagree with this viewpoint.

On the one hand, I believe thatadvertisements play an essential role in products selling（与总论点过度相似）. Why do thosecompanies spend trillions of dollars on adverts if adverts don't work? Firstly,a creative advert can impress customers. For example, as long as we think aboutdiamonds, the “The diamond lasts forever” would come into our mind（论据不足以令人信服）. Secondly,good adverts would change customers' attitude to a certain product（可以当成分论点放首句）. And it isalso an excellent way to propaganda on new products. Thirdly, there is nodenying that adverts can stimulate consumption desire and cause impulsivepurchasing. They will make you compare what you have at hand with what is newand make you feel you need to update your properties especially smartphones（文章中禁止出现第二人称，过于口语化）. Forexample, nowadays companies would use big data to analyze their customersappetize and drop advertisements based on customers' preference. They wouldrecommend clothing on your e-commerce account if you were interested in buy newclothing.

On the other hand, I think that advertisementscan help customers to find good products（此分论点还是与总论点相似）. With the propaganda, customers canknow more details about goods. Sometimes we as customers don't know much aboutthe goods we are going to buy. So it would be very confusing for customers tochoose the right products because there are many different goods in the markets.For example, if some people who don't understand the laptop industry want tobuy a laptop. It would be very hard for them because there are too manyoptions. With advertisements, they can get some useful information and makecomparisons of different types before going to the mall（论据不充分，并且前面论点字数太多，显得论据更苍白）.

All in all, advertisements are verysignificant in promoting products and boosting sales. It is the advertisementthat makes companies achieve sales goals and makes customers find theirsuitable products.

总评：这篇作文已经没有语法错误，值得肯定，继续保持！

虽然没有语法错误，也没有跑题，但这篇作文有几率能得到6.5分，大概率会得6分，原因有以下几点：

1.分论点不够新颖，与总论点出现重复；

2.论据不充分，举例子需要出现具体的著名的时间、地点、人物中的至少一个，能让考官产生共鸣，这样才能使人信服（具体如何举例子复习讲义）；

3.文章大段讲道理，例子既短又不精彩，显得头重脚轻；

4.文章中出现第二人称you，显得过于口语化，写作文应注意多用第三人称，禁用第二人称，少用第一人称。

建议：写作文一定要先列提纲，把正方和反方的分论点以及每个分论点所要用到的论据列出来，这样子写作过程才会更加顺畅，文章结构也能更好。